An Artfully Outrageous Monthly Review
of Hot Celebrity Gossip, Most of it Unfit to Print, as Authored by Darwin Porter
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DEPP WON’T GET NUDE FOR JOLIE

On the set of The Tourist, the movie starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, she’s furious at him for refusing to get naked with her. At home, she’s got Brad Pitt, who admits he’s hung like a church mouse. On the set she’s got (or would have gotten) Depp, who is known in the industry as “Donkey Dong.” Well, he won’t be swinging that club of his in her direction. The script called for them to do a sizzling nude scene together in a shower, where she shoves him up against a shower wall and seduces him. Depp certainly didn’t refuse because he’s ashamed of what he’s got. He claimed the shower scene would cheapen the picture and was out of character for him. “There’s enough sexual tension in the film as it is,” he said. That we will judge for ourselves. http://www.wired.com/underwire/2010/09/the-tourist/

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MALE BEAUTY MAY MEAN POLITICAL SUCCESS

Let’s face it, Senator Scott Brown is gorgeous, except for his right-wing political brain. He not only filled the late Teddy Kennedy’s seat, but as a Republican, he won in what had previously been considered a Blue State stronghold, Massachusetts. His opposition released that nude centerfold he posed for in Cosmo, thinking that would destroy his chance to become the state’s new Senator in Washington. Not so. Politics Daily columnist Walter Shapiro claimed that the nude pictures were the reason Brown got elected.

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The “new darling with the washboard abs” is a Cuban, Marco Rubio, newly elected Senator from Florida. Even CNN’s Wolf Blitzer seemed to have the hots for this hottie. http://plantcitytea.blogspot.com/2009/11/marco-rubio-to-speak-at-plant-city-tea.html The normally staid Blitzer revealed the “mancrush” he has on the hunk, calling him “a very attractive and impressive young man.” There’s a downside, though. Rubio is a right-wing Republican. There’s even talk that either Rubio or Brown might challenge Obama in 2012. Perhaps Rubio and Brown could indulge in a dual nude centerfold, even a lip-lock. If so, as an otherwise conservative political team, they’d be a shoe-in for the White House.

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BOYS & GIRLS FORM FAN CLUBS FOR HUNK

Is Jessie Pavelka “the sexiest man in America?” Thousands of his fans think so. For those who have been asleep this past year, the blond, muscled stud is a bodybuilder, “model to die for,” and the host of Lifetime’s DietTribe. Pecker-Checkers of America give him a rating of 9½ inches. He’s also a personal trainer and nutritionist to the show’s cast members. He’s got a few discreet tattoos, one just above his pubic hair, the color of which is chestnut brown for those who want to know such things. It’s predicted that this eye-candy’s calendar, The Jessie Pavelka 2011 Calendar, published by Alluvial, will be the hottest selling in America. This guy shows off his eight-pack and a hell of a lot more. http://www.modelmayhem.com/694555

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